You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
