Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
