we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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