so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
