someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
