Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
