Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
