Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
