loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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