trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize