I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
