Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
