the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
