So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
