Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
