we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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