why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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