you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
