This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
