dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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