You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
