sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
