best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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