So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
