My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There's always time for handjobs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
