At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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