I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
