i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
