Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
