You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
