brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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