Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
