no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
