The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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