12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I smell like Dick and happiness
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