so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
