I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
