At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
