dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
