Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
