wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
