i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
