theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
