i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have fence marks all over my body
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