Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
