Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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