there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
NoShamevember. You game?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
