Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
