I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
