I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
