You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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