3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
