i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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