I can tuck mytits in my pants
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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