help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
