It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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