Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
its not stalking. its research.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize