Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
