You're completely useless in the revolution.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
