Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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