This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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