There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
