My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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