Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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