oh god the rape fog is back!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
