Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
