But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
