I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
