just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
