I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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