i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
