Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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